Wednesday, March 24, 2010

i can't help but think sometimes about whether or not i am or was right. i'm giving the benefit of the doubt but what if i had all the reason to doubt. what if every way i imagined, it were true. what if everything that was, wasn't. what if i'm losing myself. i mean, am i so wrong to wonder and think about these things? or am i thinking so much into something that isn't so complex? what if i'm jumping to conclusions, but then what if i'm not jumping at all but realizing the truth, the truth that i've been so naive to see? i don't know, and maybe i'll never know. but would i want to? is the question. to be or not to be. to know or not to know. is this why people don't want to predict their fate? is this why Ingrid Holtby said, “Ignorance is not bliss; ignorance is impotence; it is fear; it is cruelty; it is all the things that make for unhappiness.” it truly is all the things that make for unhappiness. if i had the power to make things the way i want them to be, i would want to know; this endless pondering isn't getting me anywhere but a shitty mood.

i'm afraid to sleep sometimes...
cus i know it finds me there ... to taunt me ... to make me feel lonely again.


♫ there will be no need for peace this time. just goodbyes & sweet lullabies.