Thursday, September 3, 2009

ah, man. i just spent the past 10 minutes deleting memories. god .. i didn't think it'd be this hard. haha. i feel like a loser. haha mainly because i feel shitty about it i guess. MAN it was soo hard. you just have no idea. i've held on to it for about three months-ish? and came to decide that it's time to get rid of it. it's like i'm holding on to something that's just not going to happen anymore. and i'm big enough to come to that milestone in my life to learn to let things go. i just didn't see it going anywhere anymore and i'm tired of waiting for things to come around. because they just aren't. no matter how much time you put into it. or how many promises you make. it's just not going to happen. and i'm okay with that. it wasn't something that happened because of me either. lol and i know that because i use to blame myself for it. sometimes i hate that about myself, when something goes wrong i blame my incompetence. but it's hardly ever my fault. sometimes i just think it's how i choose to dwell on things. everything happened the way it did. not because i made it happen. things just do that. and it's normal. it's entirely normal. and now is my turn to let it go. otherwise things just won't be the same anymore. so i'm doing this for me, and i'm doing this for what was. i refuse to hold on to anymore of those suppressed memories.

time will bring the real end of our trial, one day they'll be no remnants .. no trace, no residual feelings within ya; one day you won't remember