Wednesday, May 27, 2009

i should be sleeping right now ... but i can't. i just have a lot on my mind right now. it's so cold in my house. but i don't think that the fact that i'm eating ice is helping that matter. but i put a jacket on. i got school in a few hours and i'm really not going to be able to get up ... oh well. i don't really care. i had this weird dream the other night where umm ... well actually ... now that i think about it. i've been having dreams lately where i've been protecting my little sister from ppl. like fucking up people who's been mean to her. i know without a doubt that that means something. i'm tired of having to be so grown up sometimes. i just want to feel like a kid. just once. i don't remember when i felt like that. i'm tired of feeling like an adult for just right now. but i have to think realistically. i can't do that. not right now. i just have to be strong. and i can't give up. no matter how bad i want to. no matter how bad i need to. i won't. that's not my forte.

i think it's weird how when i get really upset .. my entire body hurts. like every inch of my body is just aching. and it's so damn sore. (this calls for a cuddle fest with mr. pillow willow)

i'm so fucking tired tho and i feel like i'm going to throw up. i didn't eat a lot today. i'm about to get up so i can watch tv. but ... i just needed to sit here so i could wind down. i'm not going to cry tonight either. you know, i actually feel better right now. not entirely. but you know .. just a lil. i didn't realize that i downloaded one of jaybear's songs on my zune ... the one where he's singing. it's funny cus although i didn't recognize it at first, it came to me in a matter of seconds. and i couldn't stop smiling&laughing. haha, man ... i'm lame. but yeah. i miss him. i'm glad that he's occupying himself tho. in case he reads my blog still for some crazy reason ... i just wanted to put it out there that i love him.