Saturday, March 21, 2009

blah, i was just thinking about my day a few minutes ago. since i got interrupted from my sleep from a stupid phone call i should've ignored -_- ... i can't sleep for the moment. so, i'll just talk about my day in hope that'll make me feel better right now since that's all i been thinking about these past few minutes. i had a mental breakdown at school. aha, i mean .. it wasn't funny earlier but it's funny now cus i've never in my lifeee cried at school. which was pretty embarassing. but i just was ... not feeling it. it was during lunch tho so i was with my sister. but even then i was just going crazy sighs. it was just plain terrible. it was just a shitty day ... sucha shitty day. ugh, lemme move on to something else. i'm starting to get a headache.

but you want to know something amazzzing though? =) okay, lemme tell you. like, the moment i began talking to jaybear all of my problems erased. like, everything. and i felt so at ease like everything in life was just going to be okay. and that i didn't have to worry because superbear was there. it was truly a really incredible feeling. he really cheered me up today without even trying though. and i can't thank him enough for that. he means so much to me. i feel like he's ... everything to me. i don't know why but earlier i was thinking about ... mmm nevermind. i don't want to talk about losing jaybear cus i just hope that doesn't ever happen. finding him was one in a million. and i'm so lucky. it all just feels so real to me. i feel this constant connection like i've known him for yearrrrrs. i feel all these emotions all at once. sighs.

ba-da-ba-ba-baaa i'm lovvvvvin' it


sometimes i feel bad about all of it tho. because lately i've just been really busy afterschool so even then i just really don't get much time with him. although, i would like to get as much time with him as ... possible. i just don't see that happening. and i hate that. i hate how he waits for me. well, or i think he waits for me. lol. but still. i've been stressing about that too among other things. i don't want to push him aside cus he means a lot to me. and the time i spend with him means a lot to me too. i just don't know what to do. i talk to him throughout the day but i don't feel like that's enough ... cus even then i'm still busy sometimes. i just feel like it's a start of a new _________ (can't think of the word i want to use right now) and i just don't wanna mess anything up. i'll work on it.

btw, it's hotter than satan's balls in here. so i'm gonna turn this lappy off and try and ... mirar tv. o dormir. (watch tv or sleep?)
i think i'm actually failing spanish at the moment ...
idk. anyways, pce.