kanneyslife

Monday, October 4, 2010

if you really knew me ... @ 12:06 AM

i've been watching that show on Mtv™ today and i gotta say is one of the most emotional shows i probably ever seen. the whole time i watched it i just couldn't stop crying. it made me think about how i felt, how i could relate, and how i would finish off the statement...

i think i'll do that my next post. it'll give me a chance to open up and talk about things i usually wouldn't, at least not specifically.

i have this song - a house is not a home by luther vandross - stuck in my head and i have no idea why i do and why it makes me cry. it's a very emotional song and i love the message it carries throughout the song. i think i just answered my own question ... lol

anyways, i have work & school so peace out.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

it's getting late, you see ... we've been here before @ 1:14 AM

i'm back to where i use to be, feeling lonely again. i've never been this stressed and disconnected for this amount of time. i hate how i can't talk to you, or even anyone about what i keep bottled in. i hate how i regret telling you even a half of a half of what i'm going through. why can't i tell you (or anyone) anything? i hate how i don't want to get close to you, or anyone for that matter. i hate how i can't sleep at night anymore ...

but most importantly i hate feeling like i'm all alone.

i honestly feel like i have no one to talk to anymore. it's like everyone (okay, mostly everyone) has disappointed me one way or another and i'm just fucking fed up. i'm tired of having shitty nights in a row .. at some point i just want it to be over and done with. way too much has been going on these past couple of weeks ... shit .. these past couple of months. i don't know if it's the expectations i hold or whatever but somehow for some reason i'm just ... tired of this shit. and i'm just .. not .. happy. i'm not satisfied anymore. and .. deep down inside ... i don't want to realize that it's because of you.

fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. i refuse to cry anymore tonight.

peace.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

nice bowl of estresso @ 2:10 AM

at some point in time i just wear myself out. these past couple of nights within this week have taken everything out of me and this week just doesn't seem to be getting any better. every fucking night of every fucking day of this stupid fucking week have been shitty and i don't understand why my mood hasn't been changing.

my birthday was on the 6th, and i'm officially 19. the day went alright, exactly how i wanted it to go. but one person, who means a lot to me, didn't even remember that shit? but oh, when their birthday came around they had to be all on my ass cus i couldn't remember if it was 3 days BEFORE or AFTER my brother's birthday.

just thought i'd keep this updated.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

downtown madness @ 10:51 PM

yesterday was my best friend's birthday. he's officially 20 now. me, him, and his little bro all went to go see takers. the day went pretty cool and i'm glad he had a nice time.

when the movie was all done and the mall was closed for the night ... tell me why this drunk guy walked over to us and began his rant on religion for about 30 mins? why is that always what drunk people talk about?

i don't think i'll ever understand. lol

anyways tho, i haven't had a good day like that in a while.

we'll see what happens.

peace.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

your words hurt @ 12:01 AM

there's this strange feeling i have in my heart and i can't seem to get rid of it. i feel numb and i can't seem to get my emotions back to how they use to be. these past couple of days haven't been getting any better and my nights are still continuing to get worse. i haven't been this stressed in a while and for once i just want a break from my life for like two seconds. please.

i'm tired of pretending that everything is okay, and that i'm happy ... when i'm not.

things aren't okay, and i'm not happy.

there ... i said it.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

another long night ... @ 2:49 AM

extremely upset. i have a big feeling this night isn't ending any time soon - i just know it. i've been feeling this emptiness .. that just seems to grow now ...

i really don't want my eyes to be red in the morning. :(

Saturday, July 31, 2010

life in moderation @ 3:40 AM

still feeling the same ... my nights just seem to be getting worse now. =\ sighs.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

"upset? irritated? annoyed?" @ 3:32 AM

man ... surprisingly back in a bad mood again, but it's cool. i'm feeling pretty exhausted more than anything. i didn't get that much sleep last night. i shouldn't be here right now tho, i need to go lay down. i need to focus on clearing my mind ... and this simply just isn't doing it for the moment.

-peace.

Monday, July 26, 2010

long time no post @ 5:09 AM

geeeeeeeeez. past couple nights been crazy. i'll explain later. tired.

peace.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

blank @ 3:44 AM

today is just a continuation of yesterday. :(